Today, as I look out the deck window, I see that most of our trees are naked. There are berries on one of them still and the Japanese Maple still has her rust leaves. It's a different kind of beautiful. Browns and rust colors fill Rochester. I guess this could be a depressing scene...but it is calming.
My friend Dustin came in on Friday afternoon. We spent the weekend watching horror movies, visiting Cornell's campus in Ithaca and playing with Zoë. She took about 36 hours to warm up to him but was in love with him by the last day. He went with me to take her to Barnes and Noble's story time. I let her down and watched her crawl/walk around and greet the other children. HUGE smiles and finally sat across from me with another baby. She's not afraid. She's so social and happy. I felt a little sad. She's independent. It's a good thing. It's exactly how I'd want her to act.
Having D here was good for the soul. We've been friends for 10 years or so. It's nice to be around someone that knows you. We've both struggled with similar things in our lives. And now, he's happy, settled into a stable relationship and loves his job. Maybe those who struggle the most in their 20s and make it out alive are seasoned veterans of life and go on with a great sense of self. We know where are weaknesses are and having such low times in the past makes for a great point of reference for appreciating fully what we have now.
Jason is gone until Friday night. He's in LA at a sales conference. I know it was hard for him to leave Z. He has a hotel room overlooking downtown LA. He's eating well and being entertained. I'm eating cereal for dinner and trying to keep my house plants alive. However, I do feel we're both relaxing in our own way. The time away from each other is good I feel. Sometimes being a couple causes you to forget the joys of solitude. I'm reveling in it. After Z goes to bed, the house is quiet. The computers are off and I'm just left with myself. I'm happy to report that I still like myself and that even though I feel the outside world could classify my existence as dull, I feel happy and at home.
After Z wakes, I'm headed to Target for baby supplies and hopefully they have Nora Ephron's new book! I love her take on life. She wrote a book about aging that I'm really excited to read. I've been reading journal entries in May Sarton's memoir "At Seventy" and trying to learn some lessons of life of the women who have more of a perspective. I wish there was a kind of mentoring program for people my age. You can join Big Brothers/Big Sisters...but I want one where I get to spend time with a woman in her 60s and hear how life has taught her. Yes, I could talk to my own mother. Maybe a group of women. I'm not a leader, never have been. I follow. I look to others to guide my way. I'm hoping my book club will have some new teachers for me.
I'm rambling...more when it happens.
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