it doesn't matter

Today is a day of thought. It's probably because I'm tired. I always dive way too deep into things when I'm tired. The negativity of the world affects me more. I feel a weight I want to shed. I want to disconnect because I'm confused and feel poisoned. (could be a little depressed today, eh?) I hate election time. It brings out the worst in people. Facebook during election time--yuck. I don't want to know half the stuff I learn about people sometimes. I'm sad that people aren't more open and loving. I'm saddened that some things come off as such a threat. I'm a true hypocrite--judging those who judge.

I wish I could focus on being a better me and not worrying about others being better themselves. I can't control that. I can control my frustration level, my outspokeness (when no one really cares what I think anyway), my nosiness (because most things really aren't any of my damn business) and the way I go about my day. I could smile more. I could be sweet more. I could be softer. I feel as if I wear a hard shell to get through life. Is it really worth it? Let people be who they are. Let life be as it is. Work on becoming the kind of woman you want your children to see--and to learn from. So much doesn't matter in the spectrum of life. I am a control freak. It is wearing me out today. I'm sure I'll be back at it tomorrow. But today, I'm giving it up.