Laboring

If I could sit today and just cry, I would. I am not good at the mood swings and my body aching. I'm 10 lbs heavier with H than I was with Z. I'm also 3 years older. It makes a difference. I am appreciative of the gift--but I am not graceful at all. My strength lies in other areas of my life. Pain and being uncomfortable is not one. However, I also can't stand whining--so I'm pretty sick of myself in general right now. "Suck it up and shut up!!!" is how I feel about myself most of the time.

This week mom and I went to see Argo and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Argo was a nail biter. Very good. Entertaining and educational. I recommend. Perks was also very good. I was worried if Mom would enjoy it since it was teens--I read the book (excellent). She really liked it and kept saying how well done it was. It's more than a teen angst movie. It's more than just relating a time of life. The feelings and experiences these kids have at 14 and 17 are ones we continue to have in our lives. Life doesn't get easier, but when all of these big emotions hit in your teen years, it is your first experience with such heartbreak and disappointment. Life becomes more real. The innocence is gone. It is tough to understand and figure out where you belong in it all.

Even as an adult, I find it hard to find my way. There are days (like today) when you just feel lost. You can't discern your own feelings. You just sit in a blah state. I'm probably just tired. Fatigue really messes with me.

It messes with Z as well. She is whiny and totally out of it. She is crying constantly and fighting me on everything. Tantrums are increasing. It's driving me batty. Basically, she screams and cries and I want to do the same thing.

I'm going to have 2 girls?? Geesh, what kind of mom will I be??

Send thoughts of labor my way.