This is all for something more, right??

I am going to try again to get something done today! I've been dragging. A bit worn out from the nights with Harper, my daily duties aren't getting done. She is swinging now and Z is at Doodle Bugs. Whew! I'm forcing myself to stick to task. This house WILL be decorated today!! All but the tree. We've decided to go get a real one this year. I've never had one here. The fake trees are so much easier. Geesh. We'll see how it goes. I might save that for when my dad comes. He arrives on Wednesday for about 5 days or so. It will be nice to have him. Lynette can't make it because she is with her father. She is caring for him--representing a time in my life that I am not ready for.

My parents are in their 70s. I know that my time is limited with them. I'm not ready. Many of my friends have already lost a parent. I don't know how they dealt with it. I can imagine the feeling of abandonment and feeling lost and alone. Ugh. There is so much life that I have not yet lived. So many hurts and joys that I have to experience. Life is quite the time...it has to lead to something else, right? What is the point of being all the wiser right before you pass away? What were the lessons for? They have to be carried on to somewhere else...at least that's my thinking. I don't know what the place is, but I imagine seeing my loved ones there. Heaven is the best word for it. Jason doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell. He's not sure about God. That I am sure about. We're being watched over. I want to believe that.