more control issues

The sun is shining. It's going to be a beautiful day. Yet, I am full of anxiety. This is driving me nuts. When surrounded by people who struggle daily, I seem to find stress in my good life. I feel guilty about feeling this way.

Okay, I have a really hard time owning my feelings. I feel badly if I feel bad. If I have anxiety. If I'm lonely. If I need more attention. It's not the woman I want to be--yet, it is the woman I am. It wouldn't take a lot, just a little. To have a go to movie person--when J can 't go. To have a go to person that comes over and chit chats. To have a go to person to go on walks.

I've lived my with close friends. I'm a friend person. I can't make Jason be everything to me and I've been trying to. That doesn't work. When I'm lonely, it is all on him. I need to nourish some parts of me that are not mommy and wife.

I got a trainer at the gym and that's been great. I'm getting stronger. My body was so weak from surgeries, babies and no exercise. Now, I feel like I'm taking control of it.

My life is a good one. I know this. I am aware of the hardships of others and know that I am lucky to have the life I have. It's my insides I need to work on.


(Thank you JP for reaching out. That made a HUGE difference)